


I miss the misery

by UltraViolet1197



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Depression, F/M, Falling In Love, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 09:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9997583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltraViolet1197/pseuds/UltraViolet1197
Summary: Set 3 months after the events of Civil War where things are somehow magically fixed and they are all back in the Avengers compound. But despite everything going back to normal Wanda is still bothered by the events at the prison as well as it bringing up old wounds and Bucky can't help but to take interested in the witch...Oddly enough this fic was inspired by I miss the misery by Halestorm





	1. Late nights

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't wrote a fic in years so....sorry.

The life before the Avengers was pretty terrible for Wanda Maximoff but she still missed those days back in Sokovia. No matter how terrible it was, she had Pietro beside her. It was them two against the world and despite everything, she felt like she could go on forever as long as he was right by her side. 

It had been over two years since his death and even though she was a completely different person now, part of her wished she was back in Sokovia with Hydra and her brother. She was very aware of what kind of project Hydra was but their lust for revenge made that justifiable at the time and ultimately, joining the project is probably what kept them from starving to death. But despite volunteering, that didn't mean Hydra treated them well. No, if she experienced even half of what Barnes did, she couldn't even imaging how he had survived. Torture, pain, days without any sleep and weeks in isolation was only a fraction what her and Pietro had to go through in order to become what they were. She was grateful when they finally allowed them to see each other again. Hydra thought the bond between them was what kept them both alive and was the key to them not only surviving the experiments but thriving with them. They both excelled with their powers and became Hydra's prized possession after they lost control of the Winter Soldier. 

Yes, she missed the days where it was just Pietro and her. Sometimes it felt easier back then. Now it wasn't them, it was just her. She was the only one of her family that had survived and now she was an Avenger. 

Sleep had been nonexistent since she left the prison. Walking down the dark halls at night was the only thing that kept her occupied while everyone else slept. It had began to become a habit of hers, something she did every night. But tonight had been different, this time Barnes was up as well and when she walked in to the common area to get herself something to drink she found him sitting on the couch. His eyes had flown open at the sound of her footsteps and Wanda felt his eyes following her every move. She didn't need to read his mind to know he had been cautious of the witch and her powers. Though he had never spoken it allowed, she could see it. And she couldn't blame him, the thought of someone able to see in someone else's head would have unnerved her. 

She did her best to ignore his gaze as she made herself some coffee despite it being around three in the morning. It was never too early or to late to have a cup of coffee. "Would you like some coffee, Barnes?" She glanced back at him and he quickly looked away shaking his head. 

Once the coffee was done she poured some in to a mug before walking over to the couch, sitting on a smaller sized one across from the soldier. "Couldn't sleep?" she rose her brow. 

"I rarely sleep." He muttered, his eyes focused on the coffee table between them. 

"What makes tonight different?" She sat her mug down on the table, studying him quietly. 

His eyes looked up at hers and he pondered the question for a few quiet moments before speaking. "I didn't want to be alone." Of all the things she thought he'd might say, that wasn't one of them. Wanda wasn't sure how to reply, afraid she'd say something to screw up this moment he was having with her. Before she could reply he spoke up again. "Why are you always out here?" 

"I've been having trouble sleeping lately" She took another sip of her coffee before setting it back down. 

"I've been here for 3 months" He stated, "Steve says you're different."

She waited for him to elaborate on that statement but when he didn't, she decided to speak up. "Different?" she asked. 

The man nodded, still avoiding her gaze as he stared at her coffee mug. "You aren't the same since... Since you helped me at the airport in Germany." He seemed nervous talking to her, like he was walking on eggshells. "At least that's what Steve says." Bucky added quickly. 

She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say to that. What was there to say to him? He had been a man trapped, controlled by Hydra for 70 years and used as a weapon. She on the other hand spent several days trapped in a prison. One she probably deserved to stay in. Who was she to tell him about her problems? How could one compare the panic attacks she gets when she's trapped to a man's trauma who had spent the last 70 years tortured and used? “Steve says a lot of things” Wanda replied awkwardly, taking another sip of her mug as silence grew between them. It was an uncomfortable silence, full of fidgeting and quick glances at the other person before they would notice. But soon the room grew brighter due to the morning sun and she finished her cup of coffee before retreating back to her room to hide from the new terrors the day brought.


	2. That's different

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear the chapters will get better and longer.... I think.

There was a loud knock on her door and with great reluctance she told the person on the other side to come in. The door swung open and the blonde haired man walked in before crossing his arms. “you're supposed to be training.”

His tone held a bit of annoyance as Wanda distracted herself with drawing designs on her blanket with her index finger, avoiding eye contact. “We both know it's better when I don't,” she replied in her thick accent. 

“So you're going to mope about in your room for the rest of your life?” Steve questioned, walking over to sit down at the edge of the bed. “Once you start training again you'll be back out with us on missions. Hell, a couple more months and maybe even Bucky will be ready.” He said with a wide smile on his face. 

“I don't want to go on missions.” She sighed, shaking her head. “Viz was right. I'm better of being kept here where I can't hurt anyone.”

“And what happens when someone needs you and you aren't there to help?” He asked, “What would have happened if you decided not to help us back in Sokovia?” Steve let out a soft sigh, “sometimes you have to look back and ask yourself, ‘have my actions saved more lives in the process?’ because we've caused damaged, we've involuntarily hurt people but I know for a fact that a lot more people would have died if we didn't help. And that's what keeps me doing what I've been doing. ” He gave Wanda a pat on the back before standing back up. “We need you, Wanda. So please, think about what I've said.” 

Steve left the room without another word, leaving Wanda to her own thoughts. He had a point, but still. She was so powerful, what if it grew out of control? What if she found out that what she was doing was actually causing more harm than good? She wasn't sure if she could live with that. She already had enough nightmares to keep her up for the rest of her life, enough guilt and painful memories. She needed some fresh air, some silence from the minds that had become constant white noise for her. As much as she learned, it was still hard to block out the loud thoughts of others in the facility, she just got good at no longer paying attention to it. Like leaving the TV on while you focused on another task. 

She grabbed a thin, black sweater to pull over her tank top before heading out of her room. The avengers compound was pretty isolated. Located in a place surrounded by trees in an open field and despite the amount of people who were always at the place, the outside was relatively quiet. It didn't take long for her to exit the place, taking satisfaction in the feeling of warmth from the sun against her pale skin. Fall was approaching and with the subtle breeze and sound of wildlife not too far off with the turning leaves, it was beautiful outside. Wanda walked out into the field of grass until she reached her favorite spot, under a small tree. Although it was nothing as magnificent as Clints farm, the small little tree did enough to soothe her soul as she sat under it, listening to the birds chirp. 

Pietro and her had always preferred the outdoors. Something about being trapped in wreckage for 3 days straight will make a person crave anything without four walls and a roof. For a long time anything but the outdoors scared her for fear of it tumbling down on her, trapping her in the darkness that had consumed her once before. Even till this day, whenever she became too worked up she had to get herself outside to calm down. Pietro was always great at that and his speed made it even better. One moment she could be having a panic attack and the next, she's outside overlooking a cliff while he stands behind her, holding her. Telling her how everything's going to be fine. 

“And I thought no one could enjoy being alone more than I.” A low voice came from in front of her and she opened her eyes to see the soldier standing in front of her, hands tucked into his jean pocket while wearing a white shirt that did little to hide the toned muscles underneath. 

“I was the original emo. Get in line” she teased, flashing him a soft smile. “Did Steve tell you to talk to me?”

“He seems to think we can help each other” He said with a soft shrug of his shoulders.

“Why, because we were both apart of Hydra?” The words came out much harsher than she intended them too and as soon as she said it, she regretted it. She saw how he tensed up at her words, reminding him of all he had done as the Winter Soldier. She got up to her feet, “I'm sorry. That came out... Bad.”

He shook his head, looking down at the grass beneath them. “No, because we were both torn apart by war.” he replied in a flat voice, “force to become something else in order to survive.” 

She stood there, frozen in place at his words. Did he truly believe they were so similar or was he echoing words Steve had said to him? Yes, they had some similarities but what she went through was child's play compared to him. “The difference between us is I had a choice. You were-are-” she corrected herself, “a good man and you were forced to become a weapon. I chose to be turned into a weapon.” his eyes met hers and she saw how shocked he was at her response. She wasn't sure what particular part of that sentence shocked him but she also didn't give him any time to respond to her comment. She had already walked passed him, heading back into the compound. More desperate to escape the awkward conversation than to stay outside with the soldier but unfortunately, he wasn't going to allow her to end it like that. 

She heard his footsteps follow after her, making her quicken her pace as if she could outrun the man that seemed so determined to speak to her. But something made her feel warm inside at the fact that he continued to pursue her despite knowing she wasn't in a good mood to talk. She had grown use to Steve or Natasha letting her walk away while her brother would have never let her get away so easily. 

“Miss- Wanda,” he called out, jogging up to her, stepping in front of her to force her to stop walking. “You don't really believe that, do you?” He asked hesitantly. “That you're worse than I am?” he was completely dumbfounded that she thought that and that made her even more perplexed by the man in front of her. 

How could he think that the things Hydra used him for made him a bad person? It was like Steve said. Bucky didn't do those things, Hydra and the winter soldier did. But with Wanda, she did it all. She wanted to get revenge and to cause pain. “I wanted Stark to pay for what he did. I didn't care what happened as long as I got what I wanted in the end.”

“You were a child who lost her parents to war. Anyone would have done the same thing in your place” he said so sure of himself. “Once you realized that you've gone too far, you turned around and did the right thing. You could have ran.”

Wanda's eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms “but you consider yourself a bad person because of what someone brainwashed you to do? That hardly seems reasonable.”

She watched as he shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. “That's… different.” He muttered. 

“I'm calling bullshit.” She said, flashing him a soft smile before stepping past him to head back to her room.


	3. Truth or Dare?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed procrastinating and writing this chapter instead of finishing my book I should be writing....Oh well. I'm also terrible with formatting so I'm sorry for how weird the paragraphs are.

The lack of sleep had began to get to her and as soon as she left Bucky she headed up to her room hoping a nap would help. Maybe since it was during the day the nightmares would stay away from her and let her rest in peace for a couple of hours. As soon as Wanda laid her head down on the pillow, she was out. The last thing she remembered was the sun shining through the blinds in her room.

_It was dark, the air was thick with dust and debris. There was small glimpses of light shining through the holes of the rumble and she tried to reach up to push away the rocks but that was when she realized, she couldn't move. Her arms and legs were trapped and she began to try and wiggle herself lose but she was pinned down. “Pietro?” she called out, her breathing growing uneven as a wave a panic ran through her. “Pietro!” She yelled, looking around. There wasn't anyone around besides her, trapped in this dark grave._

_She tried to focus, trying to use her powers to free herself but it seemed even that didn't work. In fact, she couldn't feel her powers anymore… she was powerless. She screamed again for her brother, vision growing blurry from the tears that began to form. She felt as if she could hardly breathe anymore. She shook and wiggled desperate to try and escape the hell hole she was in, thrashing violently from one side to the other. It was no use, nothing budged. She began to breathe so hard that she grew light headed. Her heart raced and her body began to sweat as she screamed again for somebody to help her. It felt as if the air was being sucked out from her lungs. She jerked and thrashed around so violently that she felt her wrist grow bloody and raw from where the concrete dug into them. “Pietro!” She screamed as hard as she could,feeling her throat growing raw as tears ran down her face. This couldn't be real, there wasn't any way this was real. She can't be trapped, not again. Pietro would come, he always did._

 

Suddenly air rushed back into her lungs and she opened her eyes, reacting so fast she didn't have time to stop herself. She spun around, her Scarlet strands leaping out from her fingertips to slam the culprit against the wall in a state of panic. “You're alright, Miss Maximoff” Vision stated softly despite being pinned, bringing her back to reality. She was panting heavily as she let go of him, looking around the room to try and get her bearings. Her heart was still racing and the chill she felt across her skin made her realizing she had been sweating in her sleep. Vision walked over to her side of the bed, “are you alright?” he still wasn't too good when it came to comforting people but she knew he tried his best.

 “Y-yes” She said but her voice wavered and she wrapped her arms around herself in hopes to calm down her shaking. She was thankful it was Vision who woke her and not someone. She wouldn't be able to forgive herself if she hurt one of her teammates because of a nightmare.

 “Wanda” He said gently, “perhaps you should talk to somebody.” she knew he was sensing her concern over it and it didn't help. “Please, I know it will help. When you don't talk to others about what you fear all you doing is giving it power to control you.” He let out a soft sigh when she stayed quiet, “Perhaps you could talk to Barton- or Barnes..? Steve thinks you two could help each other.”

 Wanda bit her bottom lip as she gave some thought to it. “I _might_ try talking to Barnes. But no promises, viz.”

 That was enough to make him smile, “Alright. If you need anything, just ask.” vision said, satisfied with how the conversation went. He left her room by phasing through the wall causing her to let out a small chuckle. He still did not get the concept of using a door when it came to human interactions.

 

* * *

 

 

It was Tuesday which meant it was Avengers game night that Stark insisted everyone participated in. Everyone excluding the Asgardian God and Dr. Banner who were still MIA. The one thing she always looked forward to during game night was that Clint would be there. One time they even had game night at Clint's farmhouse but Tony and Steve kept bickering and woke Nathaniel up for the third time in the row and Laura gave them a look that made everyone leave the house. After that, they stuck to the compound.

 Wanda walked into the common area where everyone else was gathered around, sitting on the couches. The only empty seat left was one right next to Bucky which would have been fine if Steve didn't nudge him to get his attention. As soon as he looked over to see her he quickly turned back to Steve, elbowing him in the gut, glaring at the blonde. It seemed that her team was trying their hardest to set her up with him which was weird because they never cared about her romantic life before. She took a seat next to him, staying close to the arm of the couch to keep some distance between them. The team was too busy arguing over what game to start playing so no one noticed how awkward she felt, no one but Bucky who, from the looks of it, felt just as awkward.

 Maria, Sharon, and Natasha were all here for the game night so it managed to ease the testosterone that usually took over during these kind of evens. “I got an idea.” Sam spoke up, “Why don't we play truth or dare?”

 “Truth or day..?” She gave him a confused look as Tony groaned at the suggestion. “What is it?”

 Maria looked at her in shock, “You've never played truth or day? Alright-” She downed the rest of her beer before setting it on the coffee table. “We owe it to the girl to give her a proper teenage party game.”

 “Alright,” Tony sighed in defeat. “Well, Maximoff rules are simple. We’ll spin the bottle and whoever the bottle points to we’ll ask them truth or dare. If you say truth you have to answer a question we ask. If you pick dare, you'll have to complete some ridiculous task we tell you to do.”

 “Simple enough.” she said with a nod and Maria was the first to spin the beer bottle and in a couple of seconds later it stopped on Natasha we was sitting on the other side of Steve.

 The whole room burst into laughter, everyone but Nat who had her arms cross. “Alright, fine. I choose dare.”

 “Of course she chooses dare.” Rhodey grumbled and rolled his eyes.

 “Alright” Maria thought for a moment before she grinned. “I dare you to show us an embarrassing picture of Clint.”

 “What?!” Clint shouted, “That's not part of the game, it has to be about _her_.”

 But Natasha was already pulling out her phone, scrolling through her pictures. “Laura sent me a good one last week.”

 “ _Nat.”_ Clint warned, giving her a glare that did nothing to stop her. She passed the phone to Steve who let out a laugh before passing it to Bucky and then to Wanda.

 This picture was of Clint wearing a Tiara having bright pink blush on his cheeks as he sat at a kids table playing tea party with Lila. “This is adorable.” she passed the phone to Sharon and the Hawkeye continued to groan as the phone was passed around.

 “Pink suits you, Barton.” Tony teased. “Alright, your turn to spin it Romanov.”

  


They played the game for a good couple of hours, most everyone picking dare which wasn't a surprise. Wanda chose Truth the few times it actually landed on her but she enjoyed how relaxed and fun the atmosphere was. It was their last round of the night and Sam was the one who gave it a good spin. It landed on Bucky for the first time out of the whole night and Sam looked at him with a mischievous smirk. “alright, Barnes. Truth or dare?”

 “Dare” He responded easily, leaning back into the couch.”

 “I dare you to kiss Wanda on the lips.”

 Her eyes went wide and her cheeks grew warm as everyone in the room turned their attention toward the two of them, wanting to see if he'd actually go through with it. “You want me too… what?”

 “You heard me. I mean-” Sam glanced over to her, “if she's okay with it of course.”

 Bucky looked at her with a raised brow, looking as if he wanted her to say no. She could feel how nervous he was at the thought but a dare was a dare. And who was she to be the one to call it off? She gave him a small nod and he replied with a sheepish grin. “I, um, I'm a bit rusty.” He said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck before scooting closer to her.

 He placed his flesh hand against the side of her face, his eyes staring right back at hers before they dropped down to her lips. She waited for him to lean in first before she met him halfway, closing her eyes. She had only kissed a handful of boys before so she didn't have much to compare it too but this was much better than the others she had kissed.

 It was slow for a good second before something sparked between them and before she could stop it, both of them were kissing each other pretty passionately in front of the whole team. Wanda completely forgetting that they had an audience.

 “Alright, cut it out you two!” Clint barked, making her jump and pull away ending the kiss much faster than she would have liked. Her cheeks burned and both her and Bucky were out of breath, awkwardly looking away from each other as most of their team stared back with mouths ajar and eyes widend.

 “Well… I think we're done for the evening.” Steve was the first one to break the silence, getting to his feet as he pat his friend on the back.

 Wanda gave everyone an awkward smile as she stood up “This was…an interesting game, yes? I think it's time I head to bed.” She quickly headed out of the common area, away from the awkward tension that was now between her and the Winter Soldier. She was terrible when it came to dealing with awkward situations, she much rather avoid them. But she wasn't sure how long she would be able to avoid Bucky. Damn Sam, she should have known he was up to something as soon as he suggested the game.


	4. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the encouraging comments! If you have any ideas/critiques please let me know! :)

_ She knew what the outcome was going to be when she helped Steve and Bucky get away, she knew they'd be locked up but what she didn't think about was how she was going to be locked up. She complied, she didn't fight back when they took them, none of them did.  _

_ They were taken to the underwater prison as everyone but her go their handcuffs taken off when they entered the main room to their cells. Two guards simultaneously walked up and grabbed her by her biceps, keeping her trapped between them two as a third came up to her with a metal looking collar in his hand. When Wanda realized what it was she tried not to panic but she couldn't help it the thought of them putting that around her throat to keep her in line made her sick. She tried to pull free from their grip, jeering around and trying to kick the man in front of her. “Don't, no- please I'll be fine just don't put that on me!” she shouted, frantically trying to get free of their hold. _   


_ “It's for your safety and ours, miss Maximoff.” Ross said calmly but his words did little to help her. _   


_ “She's just a kid!” Clint shouted, “shes-” _   


_ “She's a weapon.” He finished the sentence for him. “If she won't calm down then taze her” he ordered before walking out as the guards shut the door behind him. When she heard his words she forced herself to try and calm down, taking in a deep breath. She could handle this, she'll be good and they wouldn't have to ever use it. _   


_ The man secured the collar around her neck, the metal tight and cold against her bare flesh, sending a shiver down her spine. The guards let go of her arms as the third worked off her handcuffs. “You're alright, Wanda.” Clint assured her, “Just stay calm and everything will be fine.” she nodded but her body began to tremble, afraid of what they would do with her, how they may hurt her. _   


_ Several other guards began to usher Sam, Clint, and Scott into their cells leaving Wanda the only one by herself with just the prison guards. She would have been more scared if it wasn't for the fact that she could still see and hear her teammates and they were still watching her, still trying to find some way to protect her despite being trapped behind a glass barrier. Another guard came back into the room holding a white jacket laced with straps. They were planning on putting her in a straight jacket, keeping her arms tied down and limiting her mobility to move. She felt like someone had punched her in the gut, knocking the breath out of her. Panic surging through her body at the possibility of being trapped again. “No, I can't.” she pleaded, backing away from the man but the same two guards from before grabbed her by the wrist, yanking her forward. “Don't! No, no, let me go!” she screamed, using her powers to send the the man on her right flying across the room. Her body suddenly locked up in a fit of pain and she collapsed to the ground, unable to do anything besides scream through her clenched teeth as her nerves felt like they were in fire. _   


_ “Stop it, she's just scared” she heard Sam shout at the guards. The pain vanishing a second later but she still felt the electricity running through her body, making her muscles spasm and feel worn out. One man sat her up as they began to try and put her into the straight jacket but she resisted again, using her nails to scrape the man who held the jacket, neck. Her teeth biting into the forearm of the other guard who sat her up, causing him to let out a howl of pain. He slapped her across the face with his other hand, forcing her to let go off him followed by another thing of pain stemming from her neck as they shocked her again. She wasn't sure if they upped the voltage or it felt worse because she was worn out from the first time but either way this one hurt even worse and she screamed louder, tears welling up in her eyes. She felt something prick the skin on her arm and suddenly the sounds of her teammates protest grew muffled and her vision made everything double. She was conscious, aware of her surroundings but unable to respond and left feeling disoriented as she felt one man slide her arm into the jacket. _   


_ They drugged her and now she had no way to defend herself. But maybe it was better this way, that way she would be too out of it to be so afraid of being confined. _   


_ But the intense disorienting factor the drug had worn off far too quickly and before she knew it she was strapped into the straight jacket and placed on a wheelchair. She could speak, understand her surroundings but she felt too weak to do anything more. She was taken into what reminded her if an interrogation room. Far away from the safety of her teammates, she was alone. The reflection of herself in the mirror in front of her reminded her of an animal. Her eyes were puffy and red from tears and there was a bright red mark on her cheek from where the man had slapped her. _   


_ The door to the room slammed shut, making her jump, body instantly tensing up as a male looking to be in his mid 40s walked in and bent over to look her right in the eyes. “Do you realize that no one on this Earth gives a damn about what happens to a weapon like you?” he sneered, placing his hands against the arms rest of her wheelchair. “For all anyone knows we put you in a whole and through away the key. You're an orphan from Sokovia, you have no records, no country to protect you.” Wanda tried her best to not show any signs of fear, staring straight back into his cold, dark eyes. “Which means, we could do whatever we want with you and nobody would care. You're young, pretty, harmless once we've got you like this.” a small smile spread across his lips and it sent a chill down her spine. “You couldn't do anything to stop us from doing anything we wanted with you. And it's not like anyone would believe you enough to care, right?” he grabbed her jaw harshly, pulling her forward. She was fighting off tears but it was too late, she was already shaking and her eyes began to water. “So I suggest you be a good girl and do what we say or else it will get a lot worse for you, do you understand?” she gave him a weak nod and he let go of her jaw, “Good girl.” he said as he ran his fingers through her before standing back up and leaving. _   


_ She was eventually wheeled back to same area where her teammates were at, thrown into a cell beside them. Clint asked her a question but she couldn't tell what it was, nor did she cared. She just slumped down in the corner, curling into herself as she began to sob as quietly as she could. The thought of her being confined was bad enough but the thought of being confined and having someone's hands on her was so much worse…. _   


  
  
  
Wanda shot up from the bed, unable to catch her breath as her dark locks clung to her from the sweat. Her heart beat so fast it practically hurt, part of her feeling the urge to vomit. It had been months since they left the prison but those threats still terrified her. The worst part was, the man was right. At anytime they could take her again and act on those threats, it wasn't like people would care much if Wanda maximoff, the Sokovian orphan who helped Hydra, ended up vanishing one day without a trace. The Avengers may care but they didn't hold the power, this incident made that clear too her. 

She glanced at the clock, it was 3 am. Her mind seemed so dead set on not letting her sleep through the night. Wanda climbed out of her bed, a couple hours of wandering would calm her mind and she headed out of her room. The room beside hers use to be clints room whenever he stayed. When she first joined she was very attached to him and it helped her to have him so close but now that Bucky had joined he was the one to occupy that room. The door was cracked and she quietly pushed it open to see if he was still there but the plain bed he had was empty. She continued down the hall making her way to the common area. Something was off, she could feel it as she grew closer to the living area. It wasn't until she saw Bucky with his head buried into his hands that she figured out why, she wasn't sure if he even heard her walk in. Part of her wanted to head back and leave him alone but she had no desire to go back to her room so she sat down quietly on the couch across from him.    


“Is that what they did to you when they took you away?” A soft muffled voice spoke up from the man across from her.  


She was very confused for a split moment before it hit her that he was talking about  _ that _ . But how could he possibly know about the dream she had unless… unless he dreamt it too. Clint told her that when her nightmares got really bad sometimes her powers would involuntary cause whoever was close to her to have the same nightmare. Because of it he had relived Pietro’s death just as much as she did but she learned to control herself, stopping her powers from seaking out when she was asleep. Apparently this one was bad enough to cause it to break through the barriers she had set up in her mind.   


The full realization of what he saw dawned on her. He experienced everything from her point of view, that hold dream had been his as much as it been hers and he saw all of it. All of the things she tried to hide from the others about what happened there. She felt vulnerable suddenly, like he was the one who could see into her thoughts. She shifted on the couch, subconsciously wrapping her arms around herself almost protectively. “I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was projecting.”  


He looked up at her but she avoided looking in his direction, focusing on her pajama pants that had little giraffes on them. “You didn't answer my question.” His voice was low and calm but there was something that there that made it clear that she didn't have the luxury to ignore him.  


“Yes” her reply was barely above a whisper and she heard him stand up, walking over and sitting down next to her.  


“Wanda, look at me.” His voice was calmer, more gentle and she hesitantly looked over to meet his gaze. Jaw clenched tightly. “Those words, did those men actually say them too you?” Wanda nodded Silently before looking back down. “Why didn't you say anything?” Bucky asked.  


She shrugged, “what is there to say? I was a criminal and I wasn't cooperating so they found a way to make me.”  


“Wanda, they threatened to sexually assault you. That is not how they get you to cooperate.” He growled.  


“They wanted to scare me, to keep me under control and it worked.” She said it trying to convince him but she knew that wasn't all there was too it. The threat didn't seem hollow, it felt real, it felt like they wanted her to continue so they had an excuse..  


“That's like saying what Zemo did to get me caught was okay because I was a threat.” he spat.  


“That is different.” Wanda argued.  


“That's bullshit” Bucky retorted and she looked back at him in time to see a small smirk forming at the corner of his lips. Damn bastard was throwing her words back in her face.  


She let out a heavy sigh, bringing her feet up on the couch. “Look, it doesn't matter now. They were threats that never came true, it's in the past.”  


“If it didn't matter then you wouldn't be having nightmares about it. We should tell Steve, he’ll know what to do.”  


Wanda shook her head, “No. Please don't, I don't want anyone to know.”  


His brows furrowed. “Why?”  


She chewed on her lip for a moment before replying, “it's not something I like talking about. Like how you are with your past.”  


He let out a heavy sighed and nodded. “Yeah, yeah I get that. But, y’know you can talk to me about it if you need to, right? And I promise you, no one is going to lay a hand on you. Fuck everyone else, I won't let them.”  


That brought a smile to her face and she felt her cheeks grow warm at his words. “Thank you, Barnes.”  


“James” He smiled, “you can call me James.”  


“Okay” she felt a stupid grin forming and she couldn't stop herself from doing it. Luckily it was dark and hard to see. “Could I ask you something?” Bucky leaned back into the couch, nodding as he closed his eyes. “Does it feel like everyone keeps putting us together?”  


A faint chuckle came from him, “Talkin’ about Sam setting it up so I could kiss you?”  


Her cheeks grew warm at the memory of the kiss they shared earlier that night. “Yeah, and there has been other things.”  


Bucky sat back up on the couch, looking at her. “I think they think we'd work well for each other. I know Natasha has been anything but subtle when it comes to the topic.”  


“I'm sure it's going to get much worse after the show we gave them.” Bucky grinned sheepishly at her, rubbing the back of his neck.  


“Yeah, I wasn't expecting it to escalate like that. I just thought we'd kiss and be done.”  


Wanda couldn't help but feel hurt at his words. “So you didn't enjoy the kiss?”  


His eyes suddenly went wide, “what? No, no I loved it. I mean- it wasn't bad. I just.. “ he was growing flustered at trying to find the correct words to use. “I'm just not someone who does those kinds of things in front of everyone. So I wasn't expecting to get as into it as I did.”

She snickered as he tripped over himself, finding it amusing. “So you're saying is you thought I was going to be a bad kisser because you didn't think you'd get so into?” that only manage to make him stumble over his words even more and she swore she could see his cheeks growing red but one glance at her made him realize that she was messing with them. 

“Very funny, Maximoff.” He said as he rolled his eyes at her but Wanda continued to grin.

She scooted closer so she could lay her head on his shoulder and she felt him tense for a moment before relaxing at her touch. He grabbed a blanket off of the back of the couch and put it around them. “Get some sleep, I'll be right here.” he said and before she even realized it, she had drifted off. 


	5. Grief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. I've been busy working on my book and life has been busy. I haven't proofread this so I'm sorry if there are typos and I also apologize for how much I jumped around in this chapter!

Both Wanda and Bucky fell asleep on the couch together and by the time the sun rose both of them were laying on the couch curled close to each other with a blanket draped loosely on top. Wanda would probably have fallen off of the couch if it wasn't for Bucky's arm holding her tight against his chest.

Steve and Natasha were up early for the day, having a casual conversation when the sight of Bucky and Wanda completely caught them off guard. The redhead looked over at Steve, flashing him a grin as the blonde stifled a small chuckle at seeing his friend like that. It had been a very long time since Bucky could relax like this and neither of them were going to be the ones to ruin the moment. Nat was happy for him, happy that he found someone he could talk to about his past and his struggles. Wanda was young but Natalia knew better than anyone that age didn't matter in this line of work. The Sokovian had seen more than her fair share of horrors. “Let's give them at least another hour before training.”

Steve nodded in agreement “I don't think either if then have slept this hard in a while.” He whispered before turning around to head back down the hall with Natasha following behind him.

* * *

Wanda shifted in her sleep, trying to turn over on her back back but something prevented her from being able too. She made a small noise in protest before trying again only to have the same result. The thing in question began shifting behind her and Wanda opened up her eyes to see the small coffee table. She was in the common area on the couch pressed up against someone. Her mind was scattered and it took her several seconds before she remembered the night, they must have fallen asleep together by accident. Wana craned her neck to look behind her to see Bucky. His long hair was all in his face and she realized she probably looked just as bad as him. His eyes were half lidded and he smiled at her “Mornin’.” he mumbled.

A wide smile spread across her lips, “Good morning” Wanda replied before shifting in his arms so she was facing him, nearly falling off in the process of it. She probably would have if he didn't have his arms wrapped around her torso. She probably would have felt awkward for how close they both were if it wasn't for her drowsy state, both body and mind refusing to wake up out of this dream like state.

“I haven't been woken up in this great of a way in the past 70 years.” He said with a lazy smirk.

The comment made Wanda's cheeks grow warm at the compliment and she scooted her body just a tad closer to his. “Perhaps next time it's on a bed and not a couch.” that caused Bucky to raise a brow at her, most likely wondering if she was suggesting something more than just sleeping. And honestly, she wasn't sure what the meaning behind them was either. She just knew she slept amazing beside him, better than she had in months. And she wanted it to continue. “You'll have to do a lot more than talk to me if you wanted to do anything other than sleeping, Barnes.” Wanda decided to tease him.

“Of course.” He said it like it had been the most obvious thing. “That's no way to treat a wonderful woman like you” his metal hand gently brushed the hair out of her face as he smile. Wanda leaned into his touch, closing her eyes. She felt completely comfortable with him, the night they shared together somehow took away all their awkwardness and anxiety she felt with being by him. It was nice to be able to feel comfortable and relaxed next to someone, a comfort she had been deprived of from the last couple of years.

* * *

  


After they finally got up from the couch and got ready for the day Wanda found herself slipping back into the same mood as before. Even if Bucky was in the room with her, if others were there she still felt like she had to guard herself, keep her emotions locked up tight in its place. Her team noticed it but no one bothered to comment or push the subject with her, they all just let her be. When someone did finally bother her, she had been busy working out in the gym. Her hair pulled back into a tight ponytail as she did push ups.

“Hey, kiddo.” a familiar voice echoed through the room. Wanda almost instantly jumped up from the floor at his voice, wearing a broad grin.

“Clint!” She said slightly out of breath as she walked up to him and threw her arms around him. “What are you doing here?”

He pulled her into a tight hug before releasing her. “I've come to kidnap you for a bit. Laura and the kids miss you and I figured you could use it” he said with a light shrug and a soft smile.

Wanda didn't believe the reason he gave her was the reason why he was actually taking her away. In a couple of days she was going to be turning 23 and the avengers all knew it was a bittersweet day for her. Pietro and her always celebrated their birthday together, every time, without fail. But these last couple of years had been different and each birthday marked another year without her brother beside her to celebrate. She chewed on her bottom lip at the reminder of how close it was getting. This is year she wanted to stay here, keep to herself and let the day pass by. She didn't want to celebrate it and she knew Clint and Laura would not allow that to happen if she came. “I'd rather stay here. I have training to do and things aren't too good with the public still… “

“You're making excuses.” Clint interjected before letting out a soft sigh, running a hand through his hair. Then suddenly he was hit with an idea and a broad smile spread across his face causing wanda to arch her brow. “you know, I bet Barnes could use a relaxing getaway as well. He could come and relax, have some quality time with all of us, get to know the man who saved his ass a little bit better.” the archer smiled excitedly.

She couldn't hide the blush that spread across her cheeks or the smile that threatened to form. It would be nice being able to relax and it might be good for him to get away from everybody and enjoy some peace and quiet. Maybe they both needed something like this to clear their heads, get away from the aftermath of what happened with the team. “It could be good for him, yes? Just for a couple of days away.”

“You both could use it” he agreed. “I'll talk to Steve and get him to convince Barnes, be ready in a couple of out, alright?”

Wanda nodded, watching him walk out of the gym before she allowed herself to wear the dumbest smile on her face.

 

* * *

As soon as Steve told Bucky about the situation he jumped on board almost instantly. Spending time away from this dull place sounded great and the fact that Wanda would be there was even better. He still wasn't certain what exactly it was that he felt for the young woman. She was beautiful, intelligent, ambitious and frightening but he liked that about her. It had been a long time since he felt anything more than fear or anger because of what Hydra had done to him and the thought of him actually, perhaps, falling for her was a bit terrifying.

The old Bucky would have no problem wooing her and taking her out but him, the man he was now, felt like an idiot every time he opened his mouth. And he couldn't for the life of him figure out whether that talk on the couch was serious or just friendly flirting. It sure seemed like she wanted him to ask her but he was too nervous to say more than a few sentences with her lying so close to him. And that God awful nightmare he had that night… it was just a dream to him but knowing that it really happened to her made his blood boil. She was so frightened and scared, she looked far to frail to even put up a fight if she wanted too and yet they didn't care. The thought of someone harming her in that manner made him sick to his stomach. Hydra had made him do horrible things, things he would probably never say out loud and to imagine Wanda being on the other end of that-no. No, he couldn't think about that. She would never experience anything like that again. Not by his hands or anyone else's, he'd make sure of it.

 

* * *

Wanda was busy unpacking her clothes into the empty drawers of the guest room. This room was practically hers since she was the only one who ever used it. The curtains were a deep red and the bed spread was a heavy quilt made by Laura's mother. This was her home away from home and she had missed it more than she thought.

“Wanda!” Lila shouted as she ran into the room to give Wanda a tight hug. “I missed you, are you going to stay with us for a while?” the little girl had a hopeful smile on her face as she stared up at her.

“Of course. You know I love coming here.” she ran her hand through the girl's hair, smiling. Wanda looked over to the door to find Bucky standing in the hallway with a soft smile on his face.

Lila glanced over toward the strange man, “That's the guy Cooper is always talking about!” she practically shouted as she pointed at Bucky but she didn't make any effort to move closer to the man.

Wanda crouched down to her height, smiling. “What does your brother say?” her eyes remains on Bucky and she noticed him shift nervously from the girl's words.

“He's Captain America's best friend and the guy you and daddy helped.” Lila beamed. “Cooper says he can stop cars with his arm! And he also thinks he's part robot.” she said with a small giggle.

“Cooper, don't run in the house” came Laura's voice from downstairs just as someone was creating a racket from storming up the wooden stairs. The little boy almost ran into him as he came to a halt, grinning ear to ear as he stared up at the tall man.

“Don't listen to her, she just thinks you're cute.” Cooper said before turning to his sister and sticking his tongue at her, causing her to glare daggers at him.

“Coop! I do not!” She huffed, her cheeks turning red.

Wanda stood up, ushering Lila out as well as practically prying Cooper off of poor Bucky who had no idea what to do. “Let's be nice and give him some space, yes? He is our guest” both of the kids wanted to protest but Clint called out for them to stop harassing Barnes and finish their food.

“He'll calm down after awhile” Wanda assured him.

“They seem to really like you” Bucky said as he kept his hands in his jeans pockets.

“They do.” She said with a warm smile, “you'll like it here, it's safe and relaxing.”

He nodded slightly before walking back down the hall and leaving her by herself. It was going to be nice here, she was going to make herself relax and stop being so on edge over everything. She needed too. She continued to unpack her things when the room lit up with a flash of light followed by a loud crackling sound. The sudden noise caused her body to wince so hard it made her bones ache. A loud wailing was heard from downstairs as Nathaniel began to cry from the scare and she thought she might join him. She hated thunder, it reminded her too much of Sokovia. Every night her and Pietro would go to sleep to the sound of missiles or bombs going off in the distance along with all the gunfire. Every night they let it lull them to sleep until the night they lost their parents to one. After that the sounds only brought fear and anxiety, wondering if another one was going to hit them and finish the job.

A small rumble shook the house and Wanda decided to give up on unpacking. Instead she crawled under the thick quilted blanket, letting it comfort her as she stared at the window, watching the raindrops splatter against the glass. It was just a storm she kept trying to tell herself but even though her mind knew, her physical body still refused to relax. She brought the blanket further over her head so only her eyes weren't covered as she continued to watch the window. She hadn't realized how tired she actually was before but now being underneath the covers and hearing the rain pour down, she wanted to drift off to sleep. Wanda closed her eyes and tried her best to shut out the world around her, it was only 3pm so she had time for a small nap.

“Sleeping already?” a voice spoke up from the doorway causing Wanda to jump, turning over to see the perpetrator. Clint gave her an innocent as he walked in and sat on the edge of the bed. “Is it the thunder?” She directed her attention toward the window, giving him a soft nod. She felt Clint shuffle closer to her before he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her to his chest. “You can always talk to me, kiddo. You know that right?”

“I do.” she smiled, shutting her eyes again,feeling completely safe in his arms.

“Listen…” He started out hesitantly and she felt that long talk was about to come from him. “Barton talked to me earlier today. He told me about what happened on the raft with you and the guards.”

It took several good seconds for his words to sink in. She thought back to a couple of nights ago with that terrible dream and the full realization dawned on her of what Bucky told him. She pulled away from his embrace feeling angry and upset, “I told him not to tell anyone” she said irritatedly. “That wasn't for him to tell.”

“I know, but he was worried and upset about it.” Clint defended. “Wanda, why didn't you tell anyone? You know you could have talked to me or Laura or even Nat about it.” he said softly.

“Because it wasn't important. Telling someone wasn't going to change anything”

She got too her feet, prepared to walk out of the room when Clint grabbed her wrist gently. “We need to talk about this, Wanda.”

She pulled her wrist back from his grasp, “if i wanted to talk about it I would have.” she hissed before storming out of the room and heading down the stairs, out of the house. The rain was pouring down heavily but she didn't care as she walked out into the field, heading toward the barn. She could clear her head there, she just needed some time away from everyone.

The rain soaked her hair and clothing by the time she reached the barn and she began to shiver once she was inside the shelter, finding a pile of hay to sit down on. Whenever things like this happened she wished Pietro was around to help her sort it all out, he was always good at helping her sort out her thoughts and emotions.  
_“Talk to me, let me help.”_  
She could almost hear his sweet voice say to her like he had a dozen other times.  
_“why don't you want to talk about it? You think the old man doesn't care about it, worried that he'd fine your reaction to such a thing stupid, yes?”_  
Her eyes began to water and before she could stop herself she was sobbing. “Why did you have to be so stupid, brother?” She cried. “You promised you would always be with me after mama and papa died.”  
_“Not everyone gets a happy ending my sweet sister. You know this the best.”_  
“We were.” She answered him as if he was really there. “We deserved to be happy for once! To be able to have a life without all the pain and violence.” she choked out in a pitiful voice. “We should have had that.”  
“ _I do not regret what I did. But now, you can have that life and if you continue to live like this, my death will just be a waste sister.”_  
“I miss you, Pietro.” Wanda said as a fresh wave of tears ran down her face. “I miss you so much and I wish I could hug you, see your face, have stupid fights with you again. But I can't.” A loud boom rumbled through the barn from the storm and Wanda wrapped her arms around herself tightly as she cried. He was right, she was scared. That's why she didn't tell anyone. She felt like it shouldn't have bothered her as much as it did and she was afraid someone was going to tell her she deserved to be treated like she was because for a long time part of her thought like that.

The door to the barn opened up, tearing Wanda away from her thoughts as she looked up at the figure who had walked in. He stayed quiet as he closed the door, dark hair soaked from the downpour of the storm. He didn't say anything as he approached her, sitting down in the pile of hay beside her. “I'm sorry for telling him but I knew he would be able to help you better than I could.” he said quietly, like he was worried she'd start yelling at him. But she didn't. Instead she turned toward him and buried her head into his chest as she began to cry again. His body was tense at first but after a moment he relaxed and wrapped his arms around her shaking body, keeping her close.


	6. Slow It Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slight Trigger warning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the song Slow It Down by The Lumineers

When she finally stopped crying she found herself sitting in his lap with his arms holding her tightly against him. She wiped the tears from her eyes as she looked up at him, “I'm not mad at you, Bucky.”

 “James,” he said firmly.

Wanda gave him a puzzled look “What?”

 "You can call me _James_ , Wanda.” A small smile spread across his lips. “I like James.”

 “Okay, James.” she returned his smile. “I'm not mad at you, I was just scared of having the others know.”

 “Why?” He said curiously as his flesh hand came up to brush a strand of brown hair out of her eyes.

 She shrugged, looking down to play with a piece of hay to occupy herself while she spoke. “I was worried that they'd think it was stupid to be bothered by it or that I deserved it” she said quietly, “I mean, nothing happened it was just threats. They were just trying to get me under control.”

 “Wanda” James said sternly, causing her to look up at him. He looked angry but his anger wasn't directed toward her. “They crossed a line, a very big line. You have every right for it to bother you and for you to have felt scared, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.”

 “Thank you” she said with a soft smile. “There's just a lot of guilt still in that area.”

 “I get it. I know what that's like” James said quietly as his arms tightened around her waist.

 “What the Winter soldier did, it wasn't you James.” She said carefully. “There's two different people inside you fighting for control. One that only knows what Hydra has told it and another is what was left behind after everything was done.” she paused for a moment to think over her words before continuing. “Think of it as someone who has a severe mental illness that ends up committing a crime. Usually what they do is send you to get psychiatric treatment instead of going to prison because they understand there's a different cause to the problem.”

 He pondered her words for a moment before he finally replied. “I guess that makes sense. Still doesn't make it any easier though.”

 “I know, but at least you can see it through that light. They've caused a lot of trauma and pain and it's going to take a long time to deal with it.”

“You should practice what you preach, Maximoff.” He placed a gentle hand under her chin, “why do you feel like you're the exception?”

 she pulled away from his touch “because I don't suffer from any illness. I did it all myself. Ultron, Stark, Hydra, I had freedom to make my decisions and because of that I understand why they treated me the way they did In the raft.”

 “Steve told me about your parents. You fought to stay alive and to get justice for what happened. As soon as you realized you were wrong you put an end to it and helped them. You've made mistakes but I don't know any sane person who could go through what you and your brother did and not have made a few fucked up choices.” Bucky said with a soft smirk. “Don't beat yourself up so much, kiddo.”

 The use of the word kiddo was what forced her to look back at him only to find him wearing a shit eating grin. He knew calling her that would get her attention and if she had figured that out sooner she wouldn't have fallen into his trap. “You're going to call the girl you made out with a kiddo?”

 “I am a hundred years old, doll.” he continued to smile at her.

 Wanda, determined to wipe that stupid smile off of his face suddenly leaned in and pressed her lips against his, kissing him. She felt a sense of pride well up when it took him several moments to return it from how shocked he was. She felt his metal hand grip her hair as he kissed her harder, pulling her body closer against his as he laid back into the pile of hay.

 The sound of the barn door opening was what forced them apart, Bucky scowling at the intruder that caused them to stop as Wanda was a beat red, awkwardly shifting off of Bucky's lap.

 “We're going to talk about this later.” Clint said pointedly at the soldier before turning his gaze to Wanda. “I came in here to see how you were doing.”

 “Fine, better.” She replied rather quickly, fixing her hair and shirt, feeling the heat radiate off of her face.

 Clint walked over to her, kicking Bucky in the leg and suggesting he scram. Which, he complied rather quick. The archer taking the spot beside her in the hay. “I know it's not a subject you want to talk about but I want you to know that I'm here. And I'm going to kick some serious ass when I get back to the avengers facility. If this happened to Lila it would be no different, you're like a daughter to me, Wanda.”

 She scooted closer and leaned into him as his arm came and pulled her into a hug. “it's just… they made me feel weak, they humiliated me and laughed.” She bit down on her bottom lip to fight back another wave of tears. “It wasn't a good memory and I hate having other people know about what happened.”

 He pulled her tighter to his chest, laying his head on top of hers. “I get it, kid. I know it hurts and it hurts to have others know about it but someone needs to do something about this. I don't want those pricks getting away with what they said. And I sure as hell don't want them thinking that because they got away with saying it, they could so something and get away with it.” He growled. “I wish you told me when Steve broke us out because I would have happily shot them with my arrow.”

 Wanda laughed at the idea of papa Hawkeye bursting in with his bow and arrow and making the guards piss their pants. “I know you would have, I don't doubt that.”

 He smiled and kissed her forehead. “So, about walking in on you Barnes… “

 She made a whining sound at the mention of it. “Are you seriously going to try and pull the whole protective father thing?”

 “Of course. Pietro isn't here to do it so someone has to look out for little Wanda.”

 She pulled away from him with a bright smile, “thank God. He would have killed him if he walked in on us.”

 Clint stood up, dusting off his pants before stretching. “Welp, I do have some arrows I could spare… “

 “Barton” Wanda warned, getting on her feet as well. “Remember what Laura said.”

 Clint snorted, “my wife has no jurisdiction here.” he said before walking out of the barn with her trailing behind him.

 

* * *

 

 

Storms came and went through the evening keeping Wanda on edge. By the time everyone went to bed she felt like she was the only one still up, lying awake in her bed. The storm, their birthday, things coming up about what happened to her at the raft, it all stressed her out and made sleep that much more difficult. She was tired, exhausted even but or mind was constantly running, thoughts coming in almost as fast her brother could run. A lot of the time it was difficult to control but she was slowly getting better at being able to think more rationally and calm both her thoughts and her powers down.

 Another bright flash lit up the room followed by a loud crackling sound and she felt a cold shiver run up her spine as the feeling of dread creeped up on her. It was a feeling she never felt before involving the sound and then she realized, she wasn't the one having these feelings.

 Wanda got up from the bed and grabbed the thick quilt she was sleeping with. Since she was sleeping over at the Barton’s she was dressed in a pair of night shorts and a baggy shirt instead of her usual red, frilly, nightgown. Quietly she made her way down the hall, not wanting to disturb anyone as she approached his room. The feelings of fear and dread only grew the closer she got to the door. She didn't bother to knock, not wanting to risk waking someone up at the sound so instead she turned the knob, quilt in hand as she slowly pushed the door open. A cold metal clamped around her wrist and within seconds she was pulled into the room and shoved against the wall with a blade against her throat. She dropped the quilt in the process, glowing red strands beginning to wrap around her fingertips as she prepared to defend herself but she didn't use them. She wouldn't unless it was completely necessary.

 “Wanda” James breathed quietly. Quickly stepping back and dropping the blade. “I'm so sorry. I heard someone and it was just my immediate reaction.”

 “I should have expected that when I enter someone's room at night when they're already on edge.” she said easily, bending down to pick up her blanket.

 “why are you here?

 “I couldn't sleep and it felt like you couldn't either.” She shrugged and another flash of light filled the dark space, James tensing up as the loud sound came while Wanda visibly winced. “And because of that.” she said after they both recovered.

 The soldier walked up to her, taking the quilt from her hands and setting it down on the bed, spreading it out over one side of the Queen sized mattress. “You could feel that from me?” He asked as he kept his focus on the blanket.

 She nodded, “Yes. Sometimes it's harder for me to block others out, specially when I'm exhausted and stressed.” He didn't say a word as he walked over to the other side of the bed, getting back under the covers and patting the mattress as a gesture for her to join him. She didn't waste anytime getting into the bed, under the warm and cozy covers. She must have been too distracted by the previous event because she hadn't noticed that he was shirtless until she layed down beside him. It was hard to see in the dark but the room held just enough light to show off his toned chest that held old reminders of who he use to be. She scooted closer to him and he extended his flesh arm, wrapping around her slender waist and bringing her closer against his body.

 “You have an odd way of calming me down” He muttered as he placed a soft kiss on her cheek.

 “So do you.” Wanda said softly, closing her eyes as she relaxed in his hold. He rest his head above hers and they both laid there quietly, listening to the sound of rain hitting the window and the rumbles of thunder travel through the house. She noticed how his grip around her tightened whenever the sounds of thunder grew too loud for comfort, the tight hold soothing her even more. She felt like she was so unraveled by everything going on in her head, a body of loose strands trying to hold itself together, threatening to fall apart. And here he was with his arms wrapped around her, making sure she was staying together.

 “When I was in Romania” he muttered softly and she felt his fingers brush against her skin where her shirt had lifted up, drawing patterns over it as he spoke. “I had a mattress on the floor that I slept on, in a tiny room that was my apartment. It was my home, the first one I had since I joined the military in 1945.” She wasn't sure why he was telling her this but Wanda didn't interrupt, moving her hand to grasp his metal hand, letting him know he could continue. “I forgot what it felt like to own things, to remember events. As time grew on I remembered more and more things. I grew to hate who I was, wishing I had died when I fell from that train.” he let out a small sigh. “One night I had my gun in my hand and the knife in the other and I thought about how easy it would be to end it. At least if I did that, no one could ever use me again…”

 “What made you change your mind?” She asked gently.

 “I spent most of my life being controlled. I felt that even with everything I've done, I at least deserved to live out the remaining years even if it was just to try and makeup for all the bad I caused. I'm alive when I shouldn't be, so at least now I can try to do some good before I go.”

 Wanda nodded before asking “do you still have those thoughts?”

 There was several moments of silence between them before he finally replied, “Do you want the truth?” his voice sounded hesitant and she nodded again. “Sometimes” he admitted. “It's not something I'll ever act on but I notice sometimes it does come back up.”

 “I think that's part of the process.” She tried to comfort him with her words. “I would be surprised if you hadn't been having those thoughts. But I'm glad you trust me with this, James.”

 “Try to get some rest” he whispered “we can talk more tomorrow.”

 She thought it would be hard to fall asleep with the storm raging on but before she knew it, her eyes were close and she drifted off in his arms to the sound of rain and thunder and the feeling of his breath against her skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it took so long to get out this chapter!!! I've been busy and it would have been longer but I wanted to get this out for you guys. <3


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